Who needs sleep? I DO!

I think lack of sleep is one of the biggest challenges moms in leadership face.

Regardless of whether a kid was up sick during the night, you had a presentation to get ready for which kept you up late, you laid awake pondering your next business idea, or your husband's snoring kept you up, the reality is that no matter how many hours of shut eye you get, the next day you still have to get up and function as a mother and a business leader or owner.

Despite my own children sleeping through the night, kicking the dog out of the room so I don't hear her active dreams, and my husband's snoring becoming non-existent due to him dropping 20 pounds (Thank God!), I have not been sleeping well lately. I am tired of trying to figure out why and trying to figure out what the magic "thing" is that I need to be doing (or not doing). I am just plain tired.

And yet, this morning I was up at the crack of dawn to get my little girl dressed as Cinderella for her school costume party and to prepare for an important obligation to facilitate a staff retreat for a client of mine. Simply, these things needed to be done. Tired or not.

So what is my point here? I am not even sure...I am just so tired.

But I guess I just wanted to take moment to acknowledge that there are times when we need to slow down, listen to our bodies, say no to certain things in order to take care of ourselves, and do what we can to get more sleep because it is so important to our health and happiness.

And I also want to acknowledge that when you are in the role of an executive mother, there are also those times when you just have to dig in, find the energy from some deeper Source, get as centered as you possibly can, do what needs to be done, and trust that it will be good enough.

For me, today was a day when I needed to do the latter. However, I have Thursday penciled into my calendar as day to catch my breath...and hopefully some ZZZZZZZZZZZZs.

An Unfortunate Reminder

I just got word that the father of one of my step-daughter's best friends died earlier this week.

Wow. Talk about a blow. Talk about a WAKE UP CALL.

My mind can't help but wander to the heartache that his wife of ten years must be going through. Or how his 8 year-old and 5 year-old daughters are doing.

He was only a few weeks older then my own husband. Unbelievable.

It's times like these that zap me back to what's really important.

It is reminder to:

• Tell your spouse and children how much they mean to you.
• Take the time and effort to stay connected to your spouse and not let the relationship run on "auto-pilot".
• Check in with yourself and ask, "Where am I settling? If I die tomorrow, what would I regret? What changes can I make today to start living a more passionate, authentic life?"
  
• Make sure that you have talked through the unthinkable with your spouse and have taken the actions that will support either one of you if, God forbid, something like this happens in your family.
• Focus on all that you are grateful for and all that is good in the world.
  
• Choose to be present and engaged with those around you. STOP multi-tasking and consciously BE in the moment--those are the moments that you, your spouse and your children will remember.
  

Just BE it!

We are a society of 'doers'. Yes, achieving what we want in life does take action--you do have to do things in order to get where you want to go. However, we are also a society that tends to focus much more on the doing and less on the being.

What I teach my clients is that in order to achieve (i.e. attract) that which you want, you've got to align the doing with the being. Taking action for the sake of "making things happen" or out of fear can actually be at the determent of achieving what you want.

However, getting clear about what you really, really want and why you really want it and then choosing to be the type of person you really want to be will lead to inspired action, which comes from a place that feels good and feels easeful (this is my made-up word meaning, full of ease, which is different from 'easy'.)

Part of my job as a coach is to help people take the action that will bring them closer to that which they want. I am all for goals, plans and taking action, but the real magic really happens when the doing is in concert with the being.

• How do you want to be in the world?
• What type of mother do you want to be? Regardless of what you do for your children, how do you want them to remember you? Do you want to be present, warm, loving, engaged?
• What type of leader do you want to be, in your business or in the company you work for? Regardless of all that you do to get the job done and keep the business going, how do you want those who work with you or for you to remember you? Do you want to be present, inspiried, creative?
• How can you incorporate more being into your life today?

Taking action and feeling miserable while you do it doesn't make you more successful, it just makes you miserable.

Connecting with your being and how you want to feel first, and then taking action that aligns with that will not only lead you to greater success, but you'll be better able to enjoy the journey and the success along the way.

Worth the Four Minutes

I am a big fan of dancing. I love dancing. Dancing makes me feel happy. I don't dance nearly enough.

One of the things I hear from clients over and over is a desire to "lighten up"--in their work, in their parenting, and just generally in life. There's a desire to stop taking things so seriously, to laugh more and have more fun.

Hopefully this short video will help...at least for four seconds.

When you are done watching the video, I encourage you to do whatever it is you feel inspired to do in the moment.

Enjoy! I know I sure did.



Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Life Lessons for Kids and From Kids -- VIDEO

Think you are the only one who feels uncomfortable meeting new people and trying to remember names? Think again.

Check out how a five minute conversation with my 3-year-old daughter ended up being a perfect opportunity for a important life lesson for her...and for me.

P.S. Still trying to figure this video thing out. There's got to be a way to make the initial freeze-frame a little more, um, glamorous or something.

I'm ba-ack....

Twelve days away for a family vacation. Actually, I am going to stop calling it a vacation, because it was anything but that. It was a family trip.

Seven of those twelve days my step-daughter had a fever, which prompted two trips to the doctor and one trip for a chest x-ray. Ends up that she developed pneumonia. Not fun for her and not fun for us.

We did have many moments of fun throughout the trip, but between a sick kid and at times ten people under one roof, there was a constant current of worry, frustration and tension running through the beach house.

This trip was such a reminder to me about the impact of ones attitude. We had no control over my step-daughter getting sick. And as hard as we tried, we really had very little control over whether she felt good or was getting better. What we did have control over was our attitudes and how we chose to deal with the situation at hand.

Don't get me wrong, there were times when my attitude wasn't even close to the positive end of the spectrum. There was more then once where I felt sorry for myself, felt frustrated with my child, and felt mad at my husband. But the majority of time I chose to take things as they came. My husband and I found a pretty good balance between taking care of one sick child and at the same time being available for our other child and the other family members we were "vacationing" with.

Last night I met up with some mom friends for drinks and catch up. After sharing about my trip--challenges and all--they each in turn shared about their weeks. Interestingly enough, each had their own challenges along the way, some related to traveling, some related to home renovations, and some related to family pets dying. We all spent some time giving words of encouragement and sympathy, and then, we all started laughing.

For this is life. Life is the highs and the lows. Life is challenges and the victories. It's not about doing everything perfect, striving for being happy at all times, or "just getting by". It's about knowing that life happens; that people get sick, home renovations don't always go as planned, and pets die. And it's choosing to be grateful for all you have and are in those moments; choosing an attitude that raises you through the tough times, and then being about to look back and laugh--at yourself and at the situation.

Why We Need Children's Books

Upon a recommendation from a friend, I just got the book I Like Myself by Karen Beaumont for my daughter.

After just one reading, it was clear that this book has am important message for not just for our kids, but for all the adults in the world as well. It's worth having a copy around the house to read to the kids, or for yourself!

"I like myself!
I'm glad I'm me.

There's no one else
I'd rather be.

I like my eyes, my ears, my nose.
I like my fingers and my toes.

I like me wild.
I like me tame.
I like me different
and the same.

I like me fast. I like me slow.
I like me everywhere I go.

I like me on the inside, too,
for all I think and say and do.

Inside, outside, upside down,
from head to toe and all around,
I like it all! It all is me!
And me is all I want to be.

And I don't care in any way
what someone else may think or say.

I may be called a silly nut
or crazy cuckoo bird--so what?
I'm having too much fun, you see,
for anything to bother me!

Even when I look a mess.
I still don't like me any less,
'cause nothing in this world, you know
can change what's deep inside, and so...

No matter if they stop and stare,
no person
ever
anywhere
can make me feel that what they see
is all there really is to me.

I'd still like me with fleas or warts,
or with a silly snout that snorts,

or knobby knees or hippo hips
or purple polka-dotted lips,

or beaver breath or stinky toes
or horns protruding from my nose,

or--yikes!--with spikes all down my spine,
or hair that's like a porcupine.

I still would be the same, you see...

I like myself because I'm ME!"

Definition of Success

Wow. Has it really been nearly a month since my last post?

Seems so.

Life has been keeping me on my toes lately. Between children out of school, searching for a new preschool, family visitors, family health issues, business growth and summer fun, time to write here dropped down on the priority list.

But I am here now, and that is what matters. My business success and life enjoyment is not dependent on how many blog entries I post per week or per month.

The theme of Redefining Success has been coming up a lot lately for many of my clients. It seems as if there are many women who are realizing that it's time to look at the idea of success in a new way.

As women, we've been told over the years that we can "have it all". However, we've also been told that to have it all we must be Super Women, working crazy hours at work and home, tending to everyone's needs but our own, and sacrificing our health, relationships and fun. Is that how you want to define success?

What if success looked something like this:

• I do work that I really, really enjoy and which I know I am good at.
• I make good money doing work that I really, really enjoy.
• The time I spend on my career/business supports my professional goals, but is also a means to support my personal goals. Therefore, I have a schedule that allows me time for myself, for my family and for my relationships.
• I am physically, emotionally and mentally healthy and I've found ways to support myself in these areas in order to maintain that health.
  
• I am a present and active mother, but I am not defined only as a mother.
  
• I have a productive and engaging career, but I am not defined only as my career.
• I have a fun and fulfilling relationship, but I am not defined as only a wife/partner.
• I operate from a place of what is best for my highest good (and the highest good of those around me) as opposed to what I think I SHOULD do or based on what others are doing.

How are you defining success these days? If you are operating from an old definition of success, or someone else's definition of success, there's a good chance that you are constantly feeling like you aren't quite as successful as you'd like to be or should be.

Begin creating a new definition of success today and see how it shifts your life.

Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship

Life with kids is busy, right? You barely feel like you have enough time to get the necessities done (feed and clean kids, take care of house, work, appointments, etc.). For many people, the two areas of our life which have the greatest impact on our overall happiness and satisfaction fall to the very, very, VERY bottom of the 'Life List'.

1) Time to nurture self
2) Time to nurture your love relationship

Let's talk about the relationship piece here.

Of course, over time and with more responsibilities added to the mix (i.e. kids), there is going to be less focus on 'couple time'. However, when we choose to let everything else in life trump nurturing our love relationship, we are asking for trouble.

Parents wonder why the spark has burnt out or why in a few short years they have gone from being connected and in love to not even knowing who they are married to anymore.

It's called a lack of nurturing.

Take a plant for example. A really strong, hearty plant may be able to survive for awhile with no water, attention and nurturing. But that's really all it's doing: it's surviving. And over time it becomes weaker and weaker and less able to handle the tough times (extreme weather, a move, being trampled, etc.). Give a plant with good roots even just a little water, attention and nurturing and that can be the difference between it surviving versus thriving.

However, a less sturdy plant may not last long at all without these essential elements.

So it is for a relationship. A relationship with strong roots (foundation) can usually survive without the needs of both people being met continuously; without active love, attention and nurturing. But you are simply surviving, not thriving.

A relationship that doesn't have strong roots or is already weak may not be able to survive without the essential elements of time, connection and nurturing.

A little, consistent nurturing can go a long way and help deepen the roots of any relationship.

Nurturing is what helps a plant grow stronger.
Nurturing is what keeps a plant alive.
Nurturing is what helps a relationship grow stronger.
Nurturing is what is keeps a relationship alive.

What are you doing to nurture your love relationship? You don't have to spend a lot of time to nurture it, but you do need to give it some heart. This is one of those areas where the idea of "quality over quantity" is really true. Your nurturing acts or moments do not need to take long.

• It's the small things like little notes to simply remind your spouse that you are thinking of him/her.
  
• It's the conversations beyond, "what's going on with the kids?" and "what's the schedule for next week?"
  
• It's the few minutes of snuggling before you fall asleep.
• It's taking a few brief moments to actually look in your partners eyes when they walk in the door and greet them with warmth.
  
• It's making one night a week your night, whether you have a babysitter or not, to eat dinner together (alone), sit on the couch and talk, or work on a project together; to connect and interact on a deeper level then the practicalities of life and parenting.
  

Tips for success:

1. Set the intention now to nurture your relationship each and every day.
   
2. Be open and inspired by what ideas you have (big or small) to support this intention.
   
3. When a thought comes to mind ("I want to call Mike and tell him I am thinking of him"), act on it if you can in that moment. Don't over-analyze it or rationalize it away. Take the inspired action. Those are the ones that usually take the least time, are the most pleasurable for us, and have the best results.
   
4. Start each day with the reminder and intention to notice and act on small ways to nurture your relationship.
   
5. End each day checking in with yourself as to what you did to nurture your relationship.
   
6. Better yet, discuss the idea of consciously nurturing your relationship with your spouse/partner and do the checking in with each other at the end of the day.

Step'n Up and Step'n Out

There's been a consistent theme amongst my clients lately and even in my own life.

It's a calling, nudging and knowing that it's time to own who we are and more fully express ourselves in the world. It's been said that we teach that what we still need to learn. I find it no surprise that as I feel called and moved to "step up my game" and stop "holding back" that those around me, clients in particular, are experiencing the same thing. It's an honor to support them in doing so and it's a reminder for me in what I am still learning.

Where are you holding back? Is there a quiet (or perhaps not so quiet) nudging or knowing inside you that it's time to start living in a more authentic way? In a way that expresses who you are, without apologies or excuses?

If so, consider this:

• If not now, when?
• Which will you look back and regret more: step'n up and step'n out and learning along the way...or "playing it safe" and holding back until it's too late?
• What are you more afraid of: success or failure?
• What will others be saying about you at your 80th birthday party if you do start living in a more authentic way and owning your power and voice today? What will others be saying about you if you don't and nothing changes?
• Are you surrounding yourself with others who are building you up and will support you in expressing yourself more fully? Or are you surrounding yourself with others who "keep you in your place" and remind you that you being more in the world is not possible?
• What one way can you support yourself today in more fully expressing yourself and owning your voice in the world?

Applying Leadership Principles to your Personal Life: Priorities

John C. Maxwell outlines “Priority Principles” in his book, Leadership 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know. There are many books and resources which teach us about becoming effective and powerful leaders in our professional lives.

What about taking some of those same principles and applying them in your personal life?

Let’s look at some of Maxwell’s Priority Principles and focus them in the direction of our personal roles as mom, wife, partner, friend, family member and community member.

• Priorities never “stay put”: Depending on where you are in life and what you want in life, your priorities are ever-changing. On a bigger level, before you have children, perhaps your career was at the top of the list. Once you have a family, perhaps that moves up and the career moves down. If you have health issues, that may move to the top. On a daily level, your priorities also can change based on which family member has what going on, what big work project is in front of you, which friend is going through a rough time, etc.

As Maxwell suggests, there are three pieces to the priority puzzle which can help you determine what priorities need to be where at any particular time.

1. Evaluate your priorities on a regular basis (weekly, monthly). I encourage you to not only evaluate your priorities on a regular basis, but also get in the habit of discussing and evaluating your family priorities with your spouse/partner on a regular basis. Often arguments arise, resentment occurs, and disconnect sets-in when couples fail to share and discuss their individual and collective priorities, goals and dreams.
2. Eliminate the items from your list that can be done by someone else. Where can you get help? What are the things you don’t want to do, don’t like to do, or aren’t good at doing? You can have it all, but you can’t DO it all. Delegate what can be done by someone else faster, easier or better then if you try to squeeze it in with everything else on your plate.
3. Estimate how much time you want to spend of your top projects and priorities—now double that—and then work it into your schedule. As multi-taskers, we often underestimate the amount of time it will take to do things, but we also underestimate the amount of time we want to do things. If you end up saying yes to everything you are invited to on the weekends, thinking that you can just stop by this party for thirty minutes, and then catch twenty minutes of your kids game, and then spend an hour having coffee with a friend, only to find out that you would have loved to have stayed at the party longer, and then you were running late so you showed up at your kids game right when it was over, and then you had to end your great girl time talk with your friend in mid-conversation to make it to your next appointment….you see where I am going with this. How would it feel to say yes to less things so you have more time to enjoy your priorities.

• You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything: What are the things that you can overlook? What details matter and which ones don’t? Do you feel like you don’t have time for everything because you are spending time on things that don’t really, really matter? Perfectionism and the desire to control everything are two vices that I see working moms struggle with again and again. Breaking perfectionism and letting go of some of the control, especially on the things that aren’t that important, will be your saving grace.

• Too many priorities paralyze us: You know the feeling. Everything feels important and needs your attention and therefore nothing fully gets your attention. I see this over and over again with high-achieving, professional, successful moms. They are organized and effective at work, but then they get home and let things fall apart. They get home and feel exhausted, thus making decisions based on what's easiest, not necessarily what's best for them or their family. Overwhelm from the rest of life kicks in and chaos unfolds. This is why creating success strategies and solutions in your home and personal life can dramatically increase your overall life success, not to mention your sanity.

• When little priorities demand too much of us, big problems arise: This is inline with overlooking what doesn’t really matter. When we don’t overlook the little things and they take our time and attention away from the big things, that’s when all chaos breaks loose. If you focus on the cleaning needs of the house in the moment when your children really need a few minutes of your time and attention, often the demand for your attention will increase. Stop. Give your kids (the bigger priority then the house) even just 15 minutes of your attention and love and I promise they will then give you plenty of time later for the house. Ignore their requests for your attention and the bigger their demands will become.

• Time deadlines and emergencies force us to prioritize: Have you ever noticed that the times we have deadlines looming the more effective we tend to be the more we get done? Then there are those times when you have no deadline in sight and it seems as if the project or priority could just go on and on waiting for you to give it your attention. Deadlines do help make us effective and kick us into gear. However, because work deadlines seem to be more readily available then personal deadlines, I often see clients bump the personal priorities because of the professional deadlines. How can you start setting deadlines for your personal priorities in a way that helps motivate and kick you into gear to deliver on your word? If you’ve been saying over and over again that you and your husband need to start going on monthly dates, set the date and plan an event that requires tickets to be purchased or a reservation to be made. This will push you to find a babysitter and make whatever arrangements need to be made to follow-through with the priority. Same thing with taking time for yourself or your kids. Make a reservation for a day at the Spa and send an email to co-workers immediately letting them know you’ll be out of the office that day. Sit down with your child and look at the calendar. Set a date for your event and start making plans. Use the Law of Deadlines in your favor to help you make time for your personal priorities now, rather then later…later…later.

• Too often we learn too late what is really important: As Senator Paul Tsongas said, “Nobody on his [or her] deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time on my business [or cleaning the house].’ Unfortunately, for some, emergencies eliminate the chance to make different choices and set different priorities. Don’t wait for the emergencies or Wake Up Calls to occur to start making time for what really matters to you now.

Photos Tell Powerful Stories

A client of mine just shared with me this piece she wrote as a way of expressing her deep emotion around the recent disasters in Asia. I was moved to tears by it and asked if I could share it here. I am happy to say that she said yes.

Photos tell powerful stories, and I have been struck in recent days by three sets of photographs. All feature similar subjects but in vastly different circumstances.

In one group of photos, taken by teachers in my daughter’s daycare, the toddlers are busy doing art projects, reading books, and going on walks in the California sunshine. The kids are adorable, engrossed in the water fountain on campus and making paper flowers for Mother’s Day.

In another set of photos, a similarly adorable group of young children gathers around a tent, a makeshift shelter in central China. Their orphanages were deemed unsafe following the earthquake and its aftershocks. The teachers and nannies care for not only their current charges but also incoming children, newly orphaned by the disaster.

In the final set of photos, the most disturbing, children’s gray-blue bodies are washed up on the shores of the Irrawaddy River or lined up for identification in the hard-hit area of Burma’s delta.

These scenes strike a chord professionally and personally. I work with an organization that researches human rights abuses and attitudes toward justice and social reconstruction following mass atrocities. Close colleagues were in Burma when the storm struck, and they saw the devastation firsthand. They helped deliver supplies and assisted local organizations to monitor the sham referendum choreographed by the junta.

China’s tragedy also hit close to home. We adopted our daughter from the stricken region nearly two years ago and spent a week in Chongqing, breathing diesel fumes in the sweltering heat. I look at her in the photo with her current classmates and imagine how easily she could be among the children now sleeping in tents, or worse.

The events in Asia seem overwhelming and beyond any one person’s capacity to assist in a meaningful way. So what can be done?

For my own sake, I am motivated to do three things:

1. Give what I can to relief efforts. I am grateful to people on the ground providing what aid and comfort are possible.
2. Actually make an emergency plan with my family. Earthquakes and powerful storms are imminent possibilities here on the edge of the ocean.
3. Squeeze my daughter a little more, tell her I love her and I am glad she is part of my life in this fortunate part of the world.

Written by Camille C.