Worth the Four Minutes

I am a big fan of dancing. I love dancing. Dancing makes me feel happy. I don't dance nearly enough.

One of the things I hear from clients over and over is a desire to "lighten up"--in their work, in their parenting, and just generally in life. There's a desire to stop taking things so seriously, to laugh more and have more fun.

Hopefully this short video will help...at least for four seconds.

When you are done watching the video, I encourage you to do whatever it is you feel inspired to do in the moment.

Enjoy! I know I sure did.



Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Life Lessons for Kids and From Kids -- VIDEO

Think you are the only one who feels uncomfortable meeting new people and trying to remember names? Think again.

Check out how a five minute conversation with my 3-year-old daughter ended up being a perfect opportunity for a important life lesson for her...and for me.

P.S. Still trying to figure this video thing out. There's got to be a way to make the initial freeze-frame a little more, um, glamorous or something.

Tips for Taking the Challange Out of Finding the Right Preschool

From the stories I heard from friends and the comments I read on the mommy message boards, finding a new child care/preschool for my daughter was not only going to be a challange, but perhaps even torturous. After ignoring my maternal instinct long enough that it was time for my daughter to move on from her current child care situation (a pit in your stomach each time you drop off and pick up your kid is a pretty good message from your own Internal Guidance System that it's not the right match anymore), I prepared myself for what I had convinced myself would be a long, frustrating and tedious process of finding a new school.

With an attitude like that, it's no surprise that that is just how my experience began.

I wanted the prefect place to just magically appear one day, but from what I was told, that is just not how preschool shopping goes around here . I started asking around, I called a few places, and eventually I visited a few places. Each time there were things I liked and things I didn't; sometimes it was more of a feeling that it wasn't right then anything else. There was even one place that I really wanted it to be the "right" so badly that I went back to observe twice. After witnessing a near disastrous bathroom situation with twelve 3-year-olds, I walked out of the building in tears that I would need to yet try again.

After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to apply my own coaching techniques and what I know about the Law of Attraction to help me make this frustrating process much more enjoyable and easier.

I am happy to say that in less then a week we found the perfect place for my daughter. It's not a place that is heavily advertised in the area. In fact, it had not come up on any of my previous searches I did for area preschools and I hadn't even heard of it until a friend mentioned that her friend's children went there. Once I looked into the place, nearly everyone I mentioned it to either had children who had gone there, were going there or knew someone whose kids were going there. Which is particularly amazing considering they only take twelve kids at one time! My daughter's transition to her new school two weeks ago has been seamless and I drop her off and pick her up each day with a feeling of joy, peace and gratitude.

Below are some tips for taking the challange out of finding the right preschool or day care for your child.

1. Focus on what you want, not what you don't want: This is the fundamental principle behind the Law of Attraction. What you focus on is what you get. The more I focused on the process of finding a school being challenging, frustrating and hard work, that's exactly what I experienced. As soon as I shifted my perspective and got very clear about what it was we really, really wanted for our daughter, it really did just magically show up.

2. Get really, really clear as to what you want: Sit down with your spouse or partner and make your wish list for the most ideal place for your child. Paint a picture of what the place will look and feel like. Think in as much detail as possible and consider questions such as:

• What is the size of the place? How many children? How many teachers?
• How do the teachers/child care providers treat the children?
  
• How far away is the place from your house?
• What's the price range?
• What's the ideal schedule for your family? How many days? How long each day?
  
• What type of activities would you like them to offer?
• What type of outdoor space do they have?
• How do they handle communication between teachers and parents?
• What is the primary learning philosophy? Play-based, Montessori, something else?
• What's the interaction like between parents?
• What is the age range of the children?

3. Know your deal-breakers: Creating your wish list is a key part to easily finding the right place. However, just like many wish lists, some items on the list carry a heavier weight then others. Prioritize your list and indicate which items are essential (i.e. the deal-breakers). Know which items must match up with the place in order for it be a clear YES.

4. Spread the word: Once you have a clear picture as to what you want, tell as many people as you can what you are looking for. Let the options come to you as opposed to thinking you have to go on a mission to find the places yourself. The clearer you are as to what you are looking for, the easier it will be for people to pass along places they know about.

5. Pay attention to what you hear and feel: Trust your own Internal Guidance System when talking to others about possibilities and when you start contacting places to interview. Listen to what is said, but also be aware of what is not said and what your gut instinct is telling you.

6. Check places against your deal-breakers: Don't waste your time going to look at places that do not meet your essential list. Interview the owner, director or child care provider over the phone before scheduling a tour or meeting them face-to-face. It's too easy to lose sight of your deal-breakers when you are in the midst of viewing a place or meetings someone in person and your emotions of wanting it to be the right place or person kick in...only to find out later that they don't have space for the days you need or their pick-up time is too early for schedule.

7. Take some action, but don't force it to happen: Taking inspired action is also a key component of helping the Law of Attraction work in your favor. But there's a difference between inspired action that comes from doing the previous steps versus taking action out of fear that you won't find something. Take action that keeps you feeling positive about the process. If you start feeling negative, take a break and recommit to your intention of this being an easy and enjoyable process and reconnect to your vision of what you want.

8. Trust: There are many great preschools, child care facilities and nannies out there. Your perfect match will show up. Don't settle for anything less then what's on your essentials list or that doesn't feel right to you. If you do, there's good chance you'll be back doing this same search sooner then you'd like.

I'm ba-ack....

Twelve days away for a family vacation. Actually, I am going to stop calling it a vacation, because it was anything but that. It was a family trip.

Seven of those twelve days my step-daughter had a fever, which prompted two trips to the doctor and one trip for a chest x-ray. Ends up that she developed pneumonia. Not fun for her and not fun for us.

We did have many moments of fun throughout the trip, but between a sick kid and at times ten people under one roof, there was a constant current of worry, frustration and tension running through the beach house.

This trip was such a reminder to me about the impact of ones attitude. We had no control over my step-daughter getting sick. And as hard as we tried, we really had very little control over whether she felt good or was getting better. What we did have control over was our attitudes and how we chose to deal with the situation at hand.

Don't get me wrong, there were times when my attitude wasn't even close to the positive end of the spectrum. There was more then once where I felt sorry for myself, felt frustrated with my child, and felt mad at my husband. But the majority of time I chose to take things as they came. My husband and I found a pretty good balance between taking care of one sick child and at the same time being available for our other child and the other family members we were "vacationing" with.

Last night I met up with some mom friends for drinks and catch up. After sharing about my trip--challenges and all--they each in turn shared about their weeks. Interestingly enough, each had their own challenges along the way, some related to traveling, some related to home renovations, and some related to family pets dying. We all spent some time giving words of encouragement and sympathy, and then, we all started laughing.

For this is life. Life is the highs and the lows. Life is challenges and the victories. It's not about doing everything perfect, striving for being happy at all times, or "just getting by". It's about knowing that life happens; that people get sick, home renovations don't always go as planned, and pets die. And it's choosing to be grateful for all you have and are in those moments; choosing an attitude that raises you through the tough times, and then being about to look back and laugh--at yourself and at the situation.

Why?

If you have a three or four year old then you are familiar with the question, "why?" Children this age have a curiosity for why things are the way they are, how things work the way they work or why they do what it is they do. Either that or they just know that the asking the question multiple times to their parent will nearly push them over the edge.

For argument sake, let's assume that the question comes from curiosity. That curiously can drive even the most patient parent nearly crazy partly because we don't always know how to answer the question...or we are answering the question with a pre-programed answer that doesn't really serve us or our child.

As I've heard my daughter ask "why" more frequently these days it has occurred to me that part of what she is doing is questioning the assumptions or beliefs that us adults are living by.

Why can't she have dessert before dinner?

Why can't she jump on the bed, even when I am standing right there?

Why can't she sing in the grocery store?

Why can't she wear her hat, gloves and scarf to school, even when it's 60 degrees outside?

When she asks me these questions, I have found myself stopping and really questioning the why. It is a safety issue? Is it something that will negatively impact someone else? Does it really matter? Is it out of fear of how others will view me or my child?

More often then not I am finding that the 'rules' I am stating or facts that I am teaching (i.e. dessert is for after dinner only) are actually just opinions that I can choose to pass onto my child or not. Unfortunately, usually they are things that I am concerned will reflect poorly on me or her.

Heck, sometimes I like eating dessert before dinner. Is it going to harm her or someone else? Nope. Does it really matter if she eats the Hersey's Kiss at 5:00 p.m. rather then 7:00 p.m.? Probably not.

This leads me to you. Do you ask "why" to the rules, beliefs and facts you tell yourself or others tell you? Are you questioning that which doesn't sit right or feel right for you?

I have a client who is a very successful business woman. In a relatively short period of time she has created a well-respected, financially healthy and interesting business. However, now that she has two young kids she is clear that she can not keep working the way she has been working and have the type of personal life she'd like. When I asked her why she had started her business in the first place and why she wanted to continue the business into the future, she found herself a bit stumped.

On some level she had lost sight of the "why" behind her choice to start her own business, and in fact when she checked in about it, she realized that why she started it in the first place was different then why she wanted to continue it into the future.

Why are you making the choices you are making?

Why are you holding back from doing work you love, or spending more time with your kids, or reconnecting with your husband?

Why do you want to be a leader, a mother, a wife?

Why do you want to have it all and what does that mean to you?

Asking the question may be the easy part. Answering the question can sometimes be scary. But usually we are scared of that which must be revealed in order for us to grow and align with that which we really, really want.

Why We Need Children's Books

Upon a recommendation from a friend, I just got the book I Like Myself by Karen Beaumont for my daughter.

After just one reading, it was clear that this book has am important message for not just for our kids, but for all the adults in the world as well. It's worth having a copy around the house to read to the kids, or for yourself!

"I like myself!
I'm glad I'm me.

There's no one else
I'd rather be.

I like my eyes, my ears, my nose.
I like my fingers and my toes.

I like me wild.
I like me tame.
I like me different
and the same.

I like me fast. I like me slow.
I like me everywhere I go.

I like me on the inside, too,
for all I think and say and do.

Inside, outside, upside down,
from head to toe and all around,
I like it all! It all is me!
And me is all I want to be.

And I don't care in any way
what someone else may think or say.

I may be called a silly nut
or crazy cuckoo bird--so what?
I'm having too much fun, you see,
for anything to bother me!

Even when I look a mess.
I still don't like me any less,
'cause nothing in this world, you know
can change what's deep inside, and so...

No matter if they stop and stare,
no person
ever
anywhere
can make me feel that what they see
is all there really is to me.

I'd still like me with fleas or warts,
or with a silly snout that snorts,

or knobby knees or hippo hips
or purple polka-dotted lips,

or beaver breath or stinky toes
or horns protruding from my nose,

or--yikes!--with spikes all down my spine,
or hair that's like a porcupine.

I still would be the same, you see...

I like myself because I'm ME!"

Definition of Success

Wow. Has it really been nearly a month since my last post?

Seems so.

Life has been keeping me on my toes lately. Between children out of school, searching for a new preschool, family visitors, family health issues, business growth and summer fun, time to write here dropped down on the priority list.

But I am here now, and that is what matters. My business success and life enjoyment is not dependent on how many blog entries I post per week or per month.

The theme of Redefining Success has been coming up a lot lately for many of my clients. It seems as if there are many women who are realizing that it's time to look at the idea of success in a new way.

As women, we've been told over the years that we can "have it all". However, we've also been told that to have it all we must be Super Women, working crazy hours at work and home, tending to everyone's needs but our own, and sacrificing our health, relationships and fun. Is that how you want to define success?

What if success looked something like this:

• I do work that I really, really enjoy and which I know I am good at.
• I make good money doing work that I really, really enjoy.
• The time I spend on my career/business supports my professional goals, but is also a means to support my personal goals. Therefore, I have a schedule that allows me time for myself, for my family and for my relationships.
• I am physically, emotionally and mentally healthy and I've found ways to support myself in these areas in order to maintain that health.
  
• I am a present and active mother, but I am not defined only as a mother.
  
• I have a productive and engaging career, but I am not defined only as my career.
• I have a fun and fulfilling relationship, but I am not defined as only a wife/partner.
• I operate from a place of what is best for my highest good (and the highest good of those around me) as opposed to what I think I SHOULD do or based on what others are doing.

How are you defining success these days? If you are operating from an old definition of success, or someone else's definition of success, there's a good chance that you are constantly feeling like you aren't quite as successful as you'd like to be or should be.

Begin creating a new definition of success today and see how it shifts your life.