How Management is Like Motherhood: Giving Others the Chance to Succeed

Have you ever delegated a certain task or responsibility to someone at work only to quickly decide that they can’t handle it? Perhaps you even have some things on your plate right now that really should be given to someone else, but you’ve been reluctant to hand it off out of fear that it won’t get done the right way.

One of the key signs of a great leader and manager is someone who can see the ability in another person and help pave the path of that person’s success. Whether it’s passing on a presentation that needs to be done or transitioning a program from your plate to theirs, your role as the leader is to check for the signs of readiness and then help set the person up for success. Sometimes that can take longer than we’d like.

I can remember once passing over the torch to one of my staff members to lead some conference prep meetings. However, I didn’t like the way she handled the first one and so I quickly took that as a sign that she wasn’t ready, that I had made a mistake, and that I should take the meetings back. And then it it dawned on me...

This was something new to her. I had been leading the meetings for years (and I am sure my first meeting wasn’t so great). It was insanity for me to assume that she’d know exactly what to do her first time or that she’d do it just like me—she wasn’t me. This was my opportunity to step into my role and support her in succeeding in the job and task I had given her.

Instead of taking the meetings away from her, I met with her to talk about what worked and didn’t work and was able to mentor her and watch her grow and improve each meeting. By the time I left the organization, she was the one mentoring those under her to run the meetings. What a missed opportunity for her and me if I can made a different choice.

Now let’s think about how this relates to our kids.

My 3.5 year old daughter has been potty trained for awhile now. However, until recently she was still wearing pull-ups to bed because she had yet to go through a night with dry pants. My husband and I had been talking to her for awhile about switching to underwear for bed, but she kept saying she would do it when she was four.

However, last month she had a couple of nights where she woke up dry. We took this as an indicator that she may be ready for the transition to underwear and talked to her about it. She was excited this time about the idea and said she was ready.

After four nights in underwear and four nights of being woken up because she had wet the bed, I was ready to throw in the towel. I was exhausted, not feeling well and cranky, and my thinking was, “she’s not ready and it will be easier on me if she’s in pull-ups” (my husband just happened to be out of town on business, so I was dealing with this solo).

However, when I suggested the pull-up option to my daughter the next night, she said, “How about I try underwear one more time?”

I realized in that moment that if I put her back in a pull-up that I’d be telling both her and me that I didn’t think she could do it and that when she was learning something new that I expected her to figure it out quickly, or it wasn’t going to happen.

But guess what DID happen? Yep, you guessed it: she's been dry in underwear ever since! She wakes up excited and proud of herself and that smile on her face is so worth the previous nights of being woken up (and potentially some that may happen in the future).

What a missed opportunity for her and me if I had made a different choice.

Think about this in your own life.

• Are you taking the cues from your staff and/or your children that they are ready for the next step?
• Are you providing the information, tools and guidance to help them succeed in that next step?
• Are you allowing them room and time to practice, learn and grow into the opportunity?
• If you aren’t, what impact is that having on you and them?

Present AND Productive

So I've got these long to-do lists for every area of my life. Even when I am not working on one of the items on one of the lists, I am thinking about the lists and what needs to be added. I've gotten where I am in life because I can and do GET STUFF DONE. In fact, on a really good day (and even on some bad days), I can get multiple things done at one time. Yep, I am a multi-tasker.

And I am guessing you are too!

We are rewarded for being multi-taskers. We are proud of being multi-taskers. We survive by being multi-taskers. And all of this technology; well, it just enables us to be even greater multi-taskers.

But here's the challenge. As a spiritual, grounded person, I am also practicing mindfulness, which involves being present and in the moment.

Present and in the moment. Master multi-tasker. Can the two go hand and hand?

I am hearing from more and more busy, high-achieving, professional working moms that their desire is to be able to be more present when they are with their kids, AS WELL AS productive at both work and at home so that they can continue to be successful and things don't fall apart.

I do think this is possible. In my life and in the work I do with my clients, it's achievable by applying the following equation.

Simplicity + Structure + Self-Love = Serenity

Simplicity comes from simplifying our lives. This means getting clear about our priorities and then removing all the things from our plates (or our house or desk or car or ....) that don't fall under those priorities at this point in time. You don't have to do it all right now (and your kids don't have to either).

Creating a structure or routine that allows you time to be highly productive and knock things off your to-do list, as well as undistracted time with the kids, is key. Following a structure that says, "okay, it's Sunday evening; now is when I focus on getting the house tidied up," allows you to be present in the task at hand. Because you have a structure in place, you don't have to be thinking or worrying about when you are going to tidy up the house when you are playing a game with the kids after dinner. You know it's going to get done.

Self-Love is about having compassion for ourselves. It's about giving ourselves a break, cutting ourselves some slack and taking some time to focus on our needs. When you give to yourself (even if it's simply a 20 minute bath), it allows you to be more productive when you want to get things done and more present when you want to just BE with your kids.

When you simplify and you apply structure around your priorities and you provide yourself with self-love you will experience greater serenity in your life. You will feel more productive, inspired and motivated during the times of being productive, whether at work or around the house. You will also feel more present and in-the-moment when you are with your kids, as you will know that there will be time later for you to GET STUFF DONE.

Why?

If you have a three or four year old then you are familiar with the question, "why?" Children this age have a curiosity for why things are the way they are, how things work the way they work or why they do what it is they do. Either that or they just know that the asking the question multiple times to their parent will nearly push them over the edge.

For argument sake, let's assume that the question comes from curiosity. That curiously can drive even the most patient parent nearly crazy partly because we don't always know how to answer the question...or we are answering the question with a pre-programed answer that doesn't really serve us or our child.

As I've heard my daughter ask "why" more frequently these days it has occurred to me that part of what she is doing is questioning the assumptions or beliefs that us adults are living by.

Why can't she have dessert before dinner?

Why can't she jump on the bed, even when I am standing right there?

Why can't she sing in the grocery store?

Why can't she wear her hat, gloves and scarf to school, even when it's 60 degrees outside?

When she asks me these questions, I have found myself stopping and really questioning the why. It is a safety issue? Is it something that will negatively impact someone else? Does it really matter? Is it out of fear of how others will view me or my child?

More often then not I am finding that the 'rules' I am stating or facts that I am teaching (i.e. dessert is for after dinner only) are actually just opinions that I can choose to pass onto my child or not. Unfortunately, usually they are things that I am concerned will reflect poorly on me or her.

Heck, sometimes I like eating dessert before dinner. Is it going to harm her or someone else? Nope. Does it really matter if she eats the Hersey's Kiss at 5:00 p.m. rather then 7:00 p.m.? Probably not.

This leads me to you. Do you ask "why" to the rules, beliefs and facts you tell yourself or others tell you? Are you questioning that which doesn't sit right or feel right for you?

I have a client who is a very successful business woman. In a relatively short period of time she has created a well-respected, financially healthy and interesting business. However, now that she has two young kids she is clear that she can not keep working the way she has been working and have the type of personal life she'd like. When I asked her why she had started her business in the first place and why she wanted to continue the business into the future, she found herself a bit stumped.

On some level she had lost sight of the "why" behind her choice to start her own business, and in fact when she checked in about it, she realized that why she started it in the first place was different then why she wanted to continue it into the future.

Why are you making the choices you are making?

Why are you holding back from doing work you love, or spending more time with your kids, or reconnecting with your husband?

Why do you want to be a leader, a mother, a wife?

Why do you want to have it all and what does that mean to you?

Asking the question may be the easy part. Answering the question can sometimes be scary. But usually we are scared of that which must be revealed in order for us to grow and align with that which we really, really want.