Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Motherhood By Design

I was talking with a mother the other day who was telling me that she couldn't believe this was her life. She wasn't sure how she got to this point of working full-time during the week at a job that didn't meet her career or financial goals and then dreading the weekends when she's home with her kids.

Really, she wasn't feeling fulfilled personally or professionally. It's a double-whammy.

It struck me as sad that there was no excitement in her voice. No hope. No pleasure for what she has or what she is doing. Rather she had resigned herself to believing this was her life. This is what it had become with no control over changing or improving it.

Unfortunately, this is the way many parents go through life. There time as parents to young kids is full of frustration, misery, resentment, dissatisfaction and unhappiness. They aren't thriving; they are simply just surviving. And they think that's their only choice -- that's just how life is when you have kids.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Choosing to design your life in a way that works for you and feels good for you doesn't just mean you will be happier. Ultimately, you will be providing a childhood for your children that is full of greater peace and love and they will experience a satisfaction in knowing that their mother was happy, engaged, present and proud. You can actually "have it all" and enjoy it all...Really, you can!

But how do you get from feeling stuck and unhappy to feeling inspired and positive about where you are in life right now?

Start with one question.

What ONE thing do you feel would have the biggest impact on your happiness right now?

Is it more time for yourself(better self-care)?
Is it more connection and interaction with your husband?
Is it better behaved children?
Is it working less hours?
Is it less financial stress?

What ONE thing is really impacting your overall outlook and life satisfaction? (You may feel there are many, but the key is to start with just one so you don't get overwhelmed.)

Once you've identified one thing, you can create a vision of how you'd like it to be instead and then create a plan of small and big actions to take over time.

But first you have to be willing to look your unhappiness and dissatisfaction in the face and name the top issue that's getting in your way. If you can't or won't name it, you can't change it.

When you work with a coach, you have someone to help you answer this important question, create the vision and the plan, and most importantly, to hold you accountable in taking the small and big actions for change.


1 comment:

richmond said...

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Ruth

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